Why We Need Hard Reality Checks

It happened on Sunday night at Small Group. 

Reality 101.

I didn't plan on sharing this particular struggle even though it's been weighing on my heart and mind for over a year. But out of the blue, out it came. Right out of my heart. Right out into the open.

I'm struggling relationally with a person who's very dear to me.

The endless drama swirling in her life never seems to end. Some of it is self-induced, some not. Her difficulties are spilling over and affecting my life and frankly, I had just about had it. I have enough drama in my life, thank you very much. Even though I act loving and kind toward her, my heart has slowly retreated.

I know that's not pretty, but it's real. And it's self-centered. And ugly to the core.

I want so much for my heart to join my hands and be right there helping her as much as I can for as long as I can. So after whining about dealing with all the drama, I asked that precious group of friends for wisdom.

How do you stop your heart from retreating when I'm guarding it out of self-preservation?

One lady in particular shared her struggles about a similar situation she had experienced. She spoke with love, grace, and kindness, yet her difficulty had been 100 times worse. Literally. But she relied on God to mend that relationship and move forward in a positive manner in full peace. It gave me a lot to ponder and pray about.

On Tuesday, God showed me in no uncertain terms that I needed a serious a reality check, a heart check, and an attitude adjustment. Big time.

Ouch.

I had to sit down for a minute and let the tears flow. And confess my self-centeredness. And face my icky heart junk in the mirror: judgmentalism, a critical spirit, a holier-than-thou attitude. It was appalling. I can only imagine how appalling it was to God.

The reality? I was viewing her situation through the lens of how it was affecting me. I willfully chose to ignore how her struggles deeply affect her. Many aspects of her difficulties lay beyond her control, yet I've been unjustly holding her accountable for the whole thing.

That's not loving. Or fair. I mean, what if Jesus viewed and treated me that way? Instead, He commanded:

"Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you.
Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." Colossians 3:13

Cast in that light, her situation doesn't affect me nearly as much as I thought. Truthfully, she's doing the best she possibly can. And I could be doing a whole lot more to lessen her burden. So why am I whining instead of reaching out?

God has a way of pointing out our icky so we come face to face with His grace. And I'm so thankful. We need hard reality checks, because living in this harsh world is hard enough without adding to the ugliness.

I'm still feeling tenderized today, but as long as God is the one doing it, I'm resting in the best care ever.

Is it hard for you to face your heart ick? How do you respond when God points it out?

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