"But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today..." Hebrews 3:13 (NIV)
As I sat with Dad in his hospital room, I realized that it would be the last day I had with him. He was just so sick. The cancer had run its course for two and a half years. Desperate sickness. Emergency calls. Countless hospitalizations. Painful, debilitating treatments.
My family and I watched a vibrant, outdoorsman reduced to tube feeding.
It's enough to tear your heart out.
He had put a non-resuscitation order (NRO) in place so that we wouldn't have to make the tough choice of turning off machines. He didn't want to be hooked up to them in the first place. Dad just wanted to go in peace.
We were grateful for the NRO. But I didn't expect to be in the room when it went into effect. To watch the doctors and nurses do nothing when Dad flat lined. To hear myself scream at them, "Why are you just standing there?!? Do something!!!"
I wanted him to finally rest, to be with Jesus, but I didn't want to let him go. In those final moments, he couldn't communicate past the breathing tube, but his eyes said it all.
Peace.
Love.
Dad's been gone almost 9 years now. His birthday was Tuesday. He would have turned 80.
And I still miss him.
As I've remembered him and thought about that last day I had with him, it served to remind me: today is all I have.
And I still miss him.
As I've remembered him and thought about that last day I had with him, it served to remind me: today is all I have.
I don't have tomorrow unless the good Lord sees fit to give it to me.
So how did I use today?
Was I petty? Did I forgive? Savor moments? Love uninhibited? Encourage a friend? Pray for my neighbor? Take a risk? Notice the sunset? Smell the flowers? Thank Jesus?
I plan to visit Dad's grave at Houston's National Cemetery this weekend (that's his marker above). As I schedule my time for that trip, I'm reminded of the priceless treasure of TODAY.
Because, really, that's all the time we've been given right now.
So, how will you use the gift of today?
.
Donna, reading your blog tears MY heart out. That was indeed a terrible time for us....a time that we will never, ever forget. I think about Dad and miss him every day. I think about all those months when I worked AND took care of him and dealt with nurses and caregivers coming into our home day after tay. Somehow I always knew he would go before me, and when I thought about it, I put that scary idea out of my mind. Yes, he was a vibrant, 'life of the party' man, a friend to everyone he met...he loved the outdoors...just to walk in the woods of his Arkansas Ozarks was the thing he loved the most. It was there that we learned SCUBA and enjoyed it and family get togethers so much at our cabin on Lake Bull Shoals. We had 40 years, and now that they are gone over 9 years ago on Februsry 24th, I've come to realize time really does fly the older you get. Enjoy to the fullest EVERY waking minute together as it really does not last that long. So, thank you, sweet Donna, for reminding us all of the priceless treasure of TODAY. I love you. ~Mom
ReplyDeleteIt was terrible, but also a bonding time for our family. We spent more time together around Dad, and I think that was part of God's plan for all that. What very sweet words, Mom. I love you, too. :)
DeleteLove you. Your in my prayers and thank you for sharing this wonderful post with such a powerful lesson.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Jessica. Hugs!
Delete